Community Corner

Craigslist News 'Flash': Urbandale Mans Driving While Naked (Kind Of)

Also, Craigslist daters are shallow, desperate and deserving of the ultimate smack-down: "If you're a man 25 years or younger, go to a bar and get rejected in person. It builds character."

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. The reality check is long overdue on Craigslist.

First, the shocking news that some folks posting on Craigslist are shallow. And they sometimes misrepresent themelves.

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“Bill Gates was a nerd before he became a billionaire,” our hero notes. “I bet the females he grew up around are wishing they hadn't been so shallow.”

Not shallow but “done playing games”?

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Here’s a little something for you, too:

“What you probably do is play games (probably Facebook) if you're sitting on the computer looking for love.”

Get out there and look for him or her.

If you’re in Iowa and looking for a “country boy” and can’t find one, you’re either not trying hard enough or you’re a lost cause, which would seem a harsh observation anywhere but on Craigslist.

“ … Find one on the side of a dirt road! Stop and 'holler' at them! If they're not interested in you, there's probably a reason you’re looking here instead.”

If you must turn to Craigslist for romance, learn to read between the lines.

If “must have job” is one of your requirements, you “might as well add ‘Because I don't have one’ in there, too.”

For Craigslist Dating 2.0 tips, the advanced class for the Craigslist dating lifers who can’t seem to hook up no matter how prolific their posts, there’s this.

Playing to His Inner Neanderthal

The dilemma for Patch is that if all of you who fit into this category catch a clue, there won’t be anything to aggregate for this post. So let’s keep that dysfunction going, though all those restraining orders could just mean more money for lawyers.

And speaking of lawyers, this woman who is the object of this perhaps unwelcome affection might consider consulting one for a protection order.

Patch can’t help but point out that the poster is so showing his inner Neanderthal that it’s a good thing she’s in the position of authority and he’s the subordinate, because if the tables were turned, this idiot poster would probably try to get her fired for being irresistible.

But Patch digresses. Back to shallow people on Craigslist: Is it shallow to fall for a British accent? This isn’t just shallow, it’s egotistical.

Around the Patches

The best face-palm moment of this week’s Craigslist comes from Urbandale, where there’s some random dude out there driving while driving while naked, or partly naked, with one leg in his pants and one out, and Patch doesn’t even want to know where the accelerator comes into play here.

Anyway, if you’re him, you’re wanted. Maybe by the law, too. What you’re doing may not be illegal, but it doesn’t seem to be a good idea.

In West Des Moines and Ankeny, where Patch thinks there’s a contest to determine which city has the most attractive people, things are desperate as usual.

In Ankeny, some pathetic sap thinks he got the look from a woman at the car wash. And was this person mistaken?

In West Des Moines, was this you? And if it was, would you ever answer an ad like this on Craigslist? Also, not desperate, but still a big oops!

Not that those suburbs have cornered the market on hopeless, which seems to be pandemic in Waukee. And as for this, dude, Carla K. doesn’t want anything to do with you.

Confidential to Clueless in Johnston: It doesn’t seem as if she cares one way or another.

IS SHE SHOUTING OR IS HER CAP LOCK STUCK? Either way, it’s ANNOYING!

The guy seemed a bit full of himself, so she naturally figured he reads Craigslist looking for himself. That sounds about right.

Patch needs to get out more. What are dinosaur butterflies?


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